Motherhood is a hero’s journey. It's a journey inward and downward to the deepest parts of your strength, to the innermost buried core of everything you are made of but didn’t know what there. (Jessi Klein)
We cannot be more connected to other people than we are to ourselves. (Brene Brown)
Since becoming a mother three years ago, I have made work addressing my desire to understand my own fragile relationship with motherhood. To do this, I turn the camera onto myself, making my experiences and my emotions the subject of my work. I make the private public by revealing the tension between resistance and acceptance.
In this body of work, I use my experience with motherhood as my point of departure using old photographs of myself. I document my current self interacting with my three-year-old self as I look back to my own childhood seeking answers about how my upbringing impacts and informs my relationship with my own daughter and the act of parenting. I leave thin trails of ink with a tiny brush. The accumulation of lines reflects my inhales and exhales. They reflect moments of focus and stillness during a day of activity and chaos. I seek to explore the conflicting emotions I feel during my days. The marks allow me to soften into myself while referencing the buzzing, humming, and drumming emotions rolling off of me. Ultimately, I am reaching for my younger self over and over, striving for compassion and empathy for myself, for my daughter, and my parents.
While I have no formal training in photography, I am now using photography more and more within my practice. My art practice has become a lifeline that helps me give form to my experiences as a mother.
Special thanks to Pine Meadow Ranch and the Roundhouse Foundation and the Douglas County Cultural Coalition, whose generous support made this work possible.