SOFT AMBITION

How we spend out days, is or course, how we spend out lives. (Annie Dillard)

Motherhood is brutal and bewitching. The joy of watching your child. The utter boredom of watching your child. Never being alone, yet feeling lonely. The tedium of motherhood’s repetition and work makes for busy days and an ever-moving body, marathoning through each day. Exhaustion from the unyielding effort. Exhaustion through surrender. A yearning to take more pleasure in more of mothering. The softening of and within myself. I try untangling myself from expectations. I feel I am in danger of being swallowed whole by motherhood. Using images and ephemera, this work investigates my fragile relationship with motherhood, including taboo emotions tempered by hope.

This project is supported by funds from the Oregon Arts Commission, the Ford Family Foundation, and the Douglas County Cultural Coalition. Image credits: Mario Gallucci